happy valentine's day ... from the onion

God bless them.

Despite having more than a decade of experience and being in fairly good physical shape, 32-year-old publisher's assistant Peter Graney told reporters Tuesday that he is inexplicably getting worse at sex.

"I don't get it," Graney said following an awkward evening of intercourse with a coworker he has dated for the past two months. "At this point in my life, I thought I'd be able to please a woman every time, no problem, but it's actually quite the opposite."

"It doesn't make any sense," Graney continued. "I'm starting to think I might have been better at this whole thing back in high school."

The rest is here.